20 minutes ago
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
don't wanna
Crabby. Tired. Huge case of the don’t wannas.
I’ve been trying to improve my recent attitude, as well as trying to let go of attempting to improve my recent attitude.
My workload at the office has increased so much that I planning on documenting my time spent on various companies (hoping there could be a payoff in the future) and there doesn’t appear to be any slowing down. Not anytime soon. I am one efficient organized machine, so sometimes I feel overwhelmed when my inbox gets too full. I like being on top of things, as much as my ‘control’ of my little office world will allow.
Doesn’t really work. Actually letting go, not stressing about being “all over it” is far more enjoyable.
I’ve also had a lot of issues with my physical level. Going from working out 4-6 times a week, weights, cardio, riding my bike 20-50 miles and working with a Nazi Fitness Trainer to wimpy nothingness for nearly a year, has left me highly frustrated. I want my active life back. I want my energy back. I greatly miss this aspect of my life. I know I’ll get there, but boy what a rough road. I cannot imagine how people bounce back from serious health issues, which makes me feel whiny about mine which are far less significant.
At least not feeling good makes it easier to remain On Holiday from dating. So there’s that to be grateful for.
Gratitude really is the best solution for the ol’ attitude. I certainly am grateful not to be dating. So much so, that it is hard to even imagine jumping in that pool again. Maybe I'll dip my toe one day. Maybe not.
I’ve been trying to improve my recent attitude, as well as trying to let go of attempting to improve my recent attitude.
My workload at the office has increased so much that I planning on documenting my time spent on various companies (hoping there could be a payoff in the future) and there doesn’t appear to be any slowing down. Not anytime soon. I am one efficient organized machine, so sometimes I feel overwhelmed when my inbox gets too full. I like being on top of things, as much as my ‘control’ of my little office world will allow.
Doesn’t really work. Actually letting go, not stressing about being “all over it” is far more enjoyable.
I’ve also had a lot of issues with my physical level. Going from working out 4-6 times a week, weights, cardio, riding my bike 20-50 miles and working with a Nazi Fitness Trainer to wimpy nothingness for nearly a year, has left me highly frustrated. I want my active life back. I want my energy back. I greatly miss this aspect of my life. I know I’ll get there, but boy what a rough road. I cannot imagine how people bounce back from serious health issues, which makes me feel whiny about mine which are far less significant.
At least not feeling good makes it easier to remain On Holiday from dating. So there’s that to be grateful for.
Gratitude really is the best solution for the ol’ attitude. I certainly am grateful not to be dating. So much so, that it is hard to even imagine jumping in that pool again. Maybe I'll dip my toe one day. Maybe not.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
poor thang
Did the media forget to give McCain his donuts with sprinkles? Is that why he's whining? Watch the LOVE video.
Um, jealousy is so unattractive. Just ask Hillary.
Um, jealousy is so unattractive. Just ask Hillary.
Although I do know a few who wouldn't mind being Obama's Monica and I certainly adore the man; his mind and his character. My crush is on Rachel Maddow. I wish I could be her for a day.
Monday, July 21, 2008
alone time frequency
In having a conversation with Topher concerning alone time he, as well as our mother, complains if having what they consider too much alone time and in turn suffer from loneliness. The strange thing to me, is that when they’re lonely they don’t necessarily miss conversing, although sometimes they do, they miss the presence of others; as long as someone is there or knowing they're in the other room, for example.
As a silly experiment, I decided I would clock my own time spent in the company of others. For if ever I do want a boyfriend, I need to know how much alone time I require. Whatever my needs are in this area are indeed non-negotiable. I must have frequent alone time. Any person, friend, family, lover - whatever, must grant me my space or I will write them off and out of my life. My space is a deal breaker deluxe.
In the past 120 hours, I have spent 5.75 hours with others outside of work. This does exclude phone conversations, which would probably add another 2 hours and of course 40 hours spent sleeping.
As a silly experiment, I decided I would clock my own time spent in the company of others. For if ever I do want a boyfriend, I need to know how much alone time I require. Whatever my needs are in this area are indeed non-negotiable. I must have frequent alone time. Any person, friend, family, lover - whatever, must grant me my space or I will write them off and out of my life. My space is a deal breaker deluxe.
In the past 120 hours, I have spent 5.75 hours with others outside of work. This does exclude phone conversations, which would probably add another 2 hours and of course 40 hours spent sleeping.
At this rate, I certainly don’t feel lonely, although I could dish out more time freely and easily.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
forever in the queue
Then again, in my thinking, I sort of equate sex with my love of roller coasters.
As any coaster enthusiast knows, the best seats on the train are the first car and the last car. The front or back seat is where you aim to score (by the way, don’t take this analogy too far). This is why holding out for these seats is a longer wait; there's yet another line within the queue. However, all the other seats are a much shorter wait. The middle section is wide open by comparison. On a roller coaster the middle is for the timid and the impatient; the ho-hum, non-adventurous, scared or the move it along by getting on and getting off kind of folks.
If I’m standing in line for what I hope to experience (as well as, have experienced in the past) as one fabulous ride (which most can be found here in one park), you’d better believe I am holding out and waiting for the best spot.
With sexual partners, “hooking up,” “hanging out,” and/or “friends with benefits” the prevalent view seems to be the easiest route to that “getting off “ as quick as possible, then darting away for the next thing and the next and the next. Which unlike the middle section on a roller coaster, this section in the “dating world” seems far more popular.
Not for me. Holding out for the best – that first seat, so to speak, not only makes the most sense in my view, once scored it’s downright FUN!
Why settle, since anything less can be easily accomplished with a battery-powered device? Truly no muss, no fuss.
Needless to say, I shall spend the rest of my days all alone.
As any coaster enthusiast knows, the best seats on the train are the first car and the last car. The front or back seat is where you aim to score (by the way, don’t take this analogy too far). This is why holding out for these seats is a longer wait; there's yet another line within the queue. However, all the other seats are a much shorter wait. The middle section is wide open by comparison. On a roller coaster the middle is for the timid and the impatient; the ho-hum, non-adventurous, scared or the move it along by getting on and getting off kind of folks.
If I’m standing in line for what I hope to experience (as well as, have experienced in the past) as one fabulous ride (which most can be found here in one park), you’d better believe I am holding out and waiting for the best spot.
With sexual partners, “hooking up,” “hanging out,” and/or “friends with benefits” the prevalent view seems to be the easiest route to that “getting off “ as quick as possible, then darting away for the next thing and the next and the next. Which unlike the middle section on a roller coaster, this section in the “dating world” seems far more popular.
Not for me. Holding out for the best – that first seat, so to speak, not only makes the most sense in my view, once scored it’s downright FUN!
Why settle, since anything less can be easily accomplished with a battery-powered device? Truly no muss, no fuss.
Needless to say, I shall spend the rest of my days all alone.
for the guys
The one thing I would highly stress is that subtlety is the key.
As for me, been there, done that. Drama in some form usually seems to appear.
No thank you.
As for me, been there, done that. Drama in some form usually seems to appear.
No thank you.
19 on the 19th
As a mom, it really does pay to play it cool. If I haven’t mentioned it before, Flipper is an utter sweetheart. Anyone who spends five minutes with her adores her. She’s the kind of child who ends her conversations with a, I love you and/or miss you giving the best hugs. When I mentioned that I hate that she is working so hard without a full day off, she told me she is tired all the time, but she’s young and will pull through. I told her I was thrilled she is still young because when she becomes old I’ll be REALLY OLD. Her reply? “Well yeah, but you’ll still be beautiful.”
See what I mean? Utter sweetness. And without a request for a cash advance.
Now that Flipper lives 6 miles away, I have had to fight the urge to call or text her daily. The urge is so great I can hardly stand it, even if all I have to say is, “Hiya!” I have chosen to refrain from being the sort of mom who's in your face and in your business as much as I possibly can.
Last Friday rolls around and her friends want her to go clubbing with them after work. She tells them she just can’t. As she dramatizes the conversation, she says, “I can’t. I miss my mom. Guys, I need my MOM TIME!” Her friends, of course, thought she was so cute that they gave her a pass and didn’t ride her about ditching them.
Needless to say, I was thrilled and drenched myself in every moment. I was so excited that I hope I didn't exhaust her being all Chatty Cathy. Though it must not have been overkill since she even spent the night!
Today, she enters the last year of her teen years. Happy Birthday, Flipperbabe!
See what I mean? Utter sweetness. And without a request for a cash advance.
Now that Flipper lives 6 miles away, I have had to fight the urge to call or text her daily. The urge is so great I can hardly stand it, even if all I have to say is, “Hiya!” I have chosen to refrain from being the sort of mom who's in your face and in your business as much as I possibly can.
Last Friday rolls around and her friends want her to go clubbing with them after work. She tells them she just can’t. As she dramatizes the conversation, she says, “I can’t. I miss my mom. Guys, I need my MOM TIME!” Her friends, of course, thought she was so cute that they gave her a pass and didn’t ride her about ditching them.
Needless to say, I was thrilled and drenched myself in every moment. I was so excited that I hope I didn't exhaust her being all Chatty Cathy. Though it must not have been overkill since she even spent the night!
Today, she enters the last year of her teen years. Happy Birthday, Flipperbabe!
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
the lard conversation
"I’m so fat I couldn’t sell my lard ass on a street corner."
Well I’d be crying my eyes out on that corner 'cause I'd be asked for change for a $10.
"A ten? Lucky you. I’d be asked to break a dollar!"
Once I dated a man who told me no matter my size, I’d still be sexy. Wish I could remember who it was.
"Probably the dead one."
Yeah, probably….or one I was determined to forget.
Well I’d be crying my eyes out on that corner 'cause I'd be asked for change for a $10.
"A ten? Lucky you. I’d be asked to break a dollar!"
Once I dated a man who told me no matter my size, I’d still be sexy. Wish I could remember who it was.
"Probably the dead one."
Yeah, probably….or one I was determined to forget.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
another saturday night
IF I could afford to take myself out on dates all weekend long instead of only one night, perhaps I wouldn't spend way too much time taking a relationship test over on Plenty Of Fish. The results are below, which is disheartening to some extent since I don't think I'll ever meet a like-minded, like-hearted male. Not to mention that whole mysterious chemistry/attraction factor. I included the entire paragraph on my sexuality results, of which reinforces that I am utterly SOL.
Hey, even if I'm oh so mean and selfish, at least I learned I'm not sexually selfish. I've got that going for me, you know, if I ever do have sex again.
Interdependence: you need someone who reciprocates a strong feeling of attachment to a partner but who also respects and copes well with the fact that you benefit from a reasonable level of physical and psychological space.
Intimacy: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.
Self-efficacy: you need a partner who is energetic, enthusiastic and has high self-efficacy like you and will support or even participate in your personal and professional interests that feed your sense of identity and accomplishment.
Relationship readiness: you need someone who is not looking to be taken care of, but rather who is realistic about the hard work it takes to build and maintain a stable and satisfying relationship.
Communication: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.
Conflict resolution: you need a partner who is patient, a “big picture thinker” and can relinquish control and pride to make the best decisions for the good and growth of the relationship.
Sexuality: People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are hardly a prude. You tend to be very confident in your sexual ability, you are not self conscious in bed and you are open to try various activities. People in this scoring range are willing to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish. While you appreciate spontaneity and wild abandon in sex, you also seem to like for sex to be planned to some extent. Most times this probably reflects the fact that you like to set the mood, build anticipation and ensure you have privacy and no interruptions. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.
Attitudes toward love: you need someone who believes that the best kind of love grows out of a strong friendship.
Hey, even if I'm oh so mean and selfish, at least I learned I'm not sexually selfish. I've got that going for me, you know, if I ever do have sex again.
_________________________
Interdependence: you need someone who reciprocates a strong feeling of attachment to a partner but who also respects and copes well with the fact that you benefit from a reasonable level of physical and psychological space.
Intimacy: you need someone who desires and reciprocates intimacy as much as you do.
Self-efficacy: you need a partner who is energetic, enthusiastic and has high self-efficacy like you and will support or even participate in your personal and professional interests that feed your sense of identity and accomplishment.
Relationship readiness: you need someone who is not looking to be taken care of, but rather who is realistic about the hard work it takes to build and maintain a stable and satisfying relationship.
Communication: you need someone who will not put up emotional barriers when you seek to understand his/her thoughts and feelings, but rather will communicate with you intimately and candidly.
Conflict resolution: you need a partner who is patient, a “big picture thinker” and can relinquish control and pride to make the best decisions for the good and growth of the relationship.
Sexuality: People at your scoring level have a firm sense of their sexual orientation, preferred sexual activities and comfort level. You like sex that is romantic, adventurous and fun, but for you sex is not a casual event. Sex has great importance in your relationship, and it is reserved for someone you love. You may think your sexual preferences would be viewed as conservative by others, but you are hardly a prude. You tend to be very confident in your sexual ability, you are not self conscious in bed and you are open to try various activities. People in this scoring range are willing to be vulnerable and relinquish control in the bedroom to their partners. In other words, you are not sexually selfish. While you appreciate spontaneity and wild abandon in sex, you also seem to like for sex to be planned to some extent. Most times this probably reflects the fact that you like to set the mood, build anticipation and ensure you have privacy and no interruptions. Bottom line: you need someone who regards sex as a meaningful bond between people in love and who appreciates when it is planned to some extent rather than completely spontaneous.
Attitudes toward love: you need someone who believes that the best kind of love grows out of a strong friendship.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
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